Sleepwalking

I wake up after twelve hours of sleep, my body heavy as lead. I blink lazily at the grey light that fills my room, accompanied by the sound of a storm. I have missed my art class. I get out of bed, feeling strangely lightheaded. My stomach hurts. Why does my stomach hurt? I didn't have enough to eat last night. I need something to eat. No, I need to wake up.

The chemical lobotomy has begun.

Last night was the second time I took my new fancy mood stabilizer, Seroquel. It's supposed to stop me having manic episodes. Well, it's worked very well. Too well, in fact. I'm standing in the kitchen with my feet planted into the ground, wide apart, so as to stop me from losing balance and answer each question with a mystified sigh or mumble. I must look so stupid. I feel like the living dead.

I lick my salty lips and cherish this new state of living I've stepped into. It may be troubling, but it's also calming. I feel freer in a way. I'm learning to feel okay with falling. Angels have spat into my mouth and sent their pity to me in a gift-wrapped box. I have no idea where this lyricism is coming from. Spiritual voyeurism - that's what this whole blog thing is. And I'm okay with that. My brain is a mass of word salad today. Loser. Unappreciated. Bubbly. Meaningful. Lovely! Down. Let's all go back to bed and smile at the ceiling.

Side effects while taking Seroquel (quetiapine as fumarate):

Lethargy
Increased appetite
Weight gain
Headaches
And others besides.

At least I'm safe now.